Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A 34 Year Old Baby

That's how I feel these days. As if I have been someone else my whole life and I have finally been reborn as the person I really am. I was the weird kid. Smart, socially awkward, immature, obsessed with one thing or another for long periods of time -- I just always figured I was everything my peers called me. I was a nerd, a dork, a geek, a freak and any other thing they could think of to call me. Add to that the fact that I was hyper-religious and it was a recipe for lonliness. I had two friends throughout elementary school, one of whom confessed to me years later that she had told all the other kids that she was only pretending to be my friend.  I can hardly blame her.  I was weird as hell.

My social detachment, my difficulties with noise and crowds, my tendency to meltdown after trying to force myself for too long to be like everyone else -- these things have always made me feel abnormal. I'm supposed to want to be around people, but I crave time spent alone. I love music, but noise drives me up a wall. I don't miss friends with whom I've lost touch, but I feel like I should. I love my mother and I love spending time with her, but I didn't even shed a tear when she moved to another country after marrying my stepfather. I loathe talking on the phone. I'd much rather communicate via e-mail. Facebook is my main method of socialization.

So now I'm learning who I am. I am embracing my weirdness.  Anyone who has a problem with who I am can eat me.  I'm a FemmeBurger, people.  Go ahead.  Take a bite.  I'm delicious!

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