Yes, I stim. I can do it very subtly when I am around others, because I know it can freak people out. When I am alone, it’s a different story. I rock, I flick, I tap. I’m actually rocking as I type this. To neurotypical people, this is “weird”. I don’t particularly give a damn.
The world is an overwhelming place for an Aspie and stimming provides some relief. I rock myself to sleep at night because it helps my brain to straighten out some of the jumbled thoughts in my head. It feels good, even if it is “weird”.
I can’t just sit and watch TV. Either I’m tapping or flicking or I’m using a computer game to help me stay in the moment. It gives me a chance to spend some time with my roommates, while still doing what I need to quiet my brain.
So if you see me on an imaginary rocking horse, don’t be weirded out. Just be glad you have a friend who literally rocks.
I used to try to control or eliminate these behaviors or movements - ever since high school - because I thought they were "nervous" habits that were not good for me. Or maybe that was something I was told and believed. But after discovering that i have Aspergers and learning what stims are, I have let myself rock in my chair at work when I feel this nervousness- and I realized that it actually makes me feel better! And all those years I thought it was a bad thing, I think I thought it would make me more nervous.
ReplyDeleteThe one and only time I "slipped" and rocked in public because I was very upset cemented my need to hide it. The looks I got were what I would expect if I was dancing naked in the middle of Walmart, certainly not from something that I was doing to ease my anxiety. It's wonderful to be able to cut loose and do what comes naturally!
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