Welcome to Depressionland!

America’s newest theme park is open for business! Enjoy such classic carnival rides as: The Mood Swings, The Emotional Roller Coaster, The Self-Pity-Go-Round and the Tilt-A-Weep. While you’re here, visit the House of Neuroses, The Anxiety Slide and even play Whack-A-Phobia. Our delicious, carnival-style foods feature Corn Dogs, Funnel Cakes and Deep Fried Prozac. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Check out these rave reviews!


“Depressionland is like Disney World for my shriveled, black soul.” – Sylvia Plath


“Visit another theme park? Nevermore!” – Edgar Allan Poe


“Better than an opium and laudanum cocktail.” – Charles Baudelaire

Yes, I know depression is serious. That’s why I’m making jokes about it. That’s what I do when I’m dealing with something shitty. I’d love to just shrug it off and say “it could be worse” (because it could) and move on. I’m not wired that way. Depression isn’t some sweater you can take off when it gets too heavy. It’s just there. It weighs you down and makes you feel like you’ll never escape it.

J.K. Rowling created the best metaphor for depression I have ever encountered – Dementors. If you’re not familiar with the Harry Potter series and its characters, here’s a quote from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself...soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."

That’s where I am now…in the presence of Dementors. Unfortunately for me, there’s no such thing as a Patronus charm, so for now, I’m stuck. If anyone needs me, I’ll be on the Self-Pity-Go-Round.