I stressed all week about being faced with new people. I knew, being the driver, that I wouldn't be able to even have a drink or two to loosen up. When the ceremony ended, I think I looked pretty calm on the outside, but that's when the panic really set in. I think my exact thoughts were, "Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit..." Turned out that I didn't need to freak out at all.
The wedding was perfect. My friends looked more in love than I have ever seen them look. My table at the reception was the Chicks, one acquaintance (a sweetheart I had only met once or twice), her husband and son and two women I hadn't met before. The Chicks sat on either side of me as a buffer, but it turned out it wasn't needed. We were all friends by the end of the night, even piling (all 6 of us women) into the photo booth at one point, with an open umbrella. I've never felt more at ease and I know I owe it to my girls' sensitivity to my issues and the bride and groom's desire to put us at a table where we would be comfortable -- table 4 was the PLACE TO BE. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a party at all, let alone as much as I did last night. Congrats again to Cap'n Emo and Private Crumb on starting a new life together!
On the other end of the life event spectrum, today is the 1st anniversary of the day my sweet friend Chris lost her battle with cancer. She was like no one I've ever known and I can't help but wonder if she wasn't an undiagnosed Aspie, herself. Regardless, she was someone that everyone loved, even if they didn't like her. A year out, and her Facebook page is STILL more active than mine. Just because she's not physically here, doesn't mean she stops being our friend. I'm grateful to have known her and, now that I'm older, I wish I could be more like her.
Showing posts with label Parties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parties. Show all posts
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
New People (EEK!)
I do not adapt well. I know this. I hate change. Unfortunately, this makes my job an endless source of stress for me. In the ten years that I have worked here, the manager has changed SEVEN times. Three of those changes have happened in 2011. Three times in ten months, I’ve had to explain what Asperger’s is and why I have to have my office door closed and my iPod on to get things done. I’ve had to get used to a new person’s voice and habits. I’ve had to get them used to my therapy schedule. Having an RA flare-up, I’ve also had to explain that, while also dealing with the changes in my routine that come with a flare-up.
For my NT friends and family, meeting new people is normal, even exciting sometimes. For me, it’s terrifying. The desire to fit in and do the “right” things is overwhelming, as is the fear that everyone is looking at me and judging. The idea of embracing who I am and not trying to conform to what I think people expect is still new to me. One day, maybe I’ll be comfortable. For now, encountering new people is traumatic for me.
There’s also the issue of social situations. I avoid them at all costs unless I’m going to know 90% of the people there and I know it won’t be too chaotic. This Saturday, two of my friends are getting married (Yay! Congrats to Captain Emo and Private Crumb!) which means getting dressed up, driving to an unfamiliar place and being surrounded by strangers. Normally not my scene, but I’ll make an exception for such a special occasion. I’m going to talk to my therapist tomorrow to see what kind of tips she can offer for getting through the reception without stressing myself out.
Back to the topic of embracing who I am or, as I call it, embracing my weirdness. I think I need to make more of an effort to just be myself…or rather, less effort being someone I’m not. I’m unusual. That’s not a bad thing. All right, enough navel gazing for now. I’ve got Letters To Cleo playing on my iPod, a stack of work orders to process and toilets (yes, toilets) to order. Oh, the glamour.
For my NT friends and family, meeting new people is normal, even exciting sometimes. For me, it’s terrifying. The desire to fit in and do the “right” things is overwhelming, as is the fear that everyone is looking at me and judging. The idea of embracing who I am and not trying to conform to what I think people expect is still new to me. One day, maybe I’ll be comfortable. For now, encountering new people is traumatic for me.
There’s also the issue of social situations. I avoid them at all costs unless I’m going to know 90% of the people there and I know it won’t be too chaotic. This Saturday, two of my friends are getting married (Yay! Congrats to Captain Emo and Private Crumb!) which means getting dressed up, driving to an unfamiliar place and being surrounded by strangers. Normally not my scene, but I’ll make an exception for such a special occasion. I’m going to talk to my therapist tomorrow to see what kind of tips she can offer for getting through the reception without stressing myself out.
Back to the topic of embracing who I am or, as I call it, embracing my weirdness. I think I need to make more of an effort to just be myself…or rather, less effort being someone I’m not. I’m unusual. That’s not a bad thing. All right, enough navel gazing for now. I’ve got Letters To Cleo playing on my iPod, a stack of work orders to process and toilets (yes, toilets) to order. Oh, the glamour.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
It's Gonna Be An Aspie New Year!
We are now a week into 2011, a new year and a new decade. I have had a feeling for a long time that important changes were coming for me and my new diagnosis certainly fits that description. It’s exciting and scary, learning to navigate the world in a new way.
I went to Sea World with one of my roommates (Chick Tender) on New Year’s Eve, knowing it would be somewhat crowded, but confident I could avoid the majority of the chaos. Aside from three incidents, I think the night was a success. The first thing that happened was that we got caught behind one of the stadiums as it emptied from a show. Too many people, too much noise and no way out. CT (unfazed by the mess herself) tried to say something to me and I had to tell her, “I can’t focus on anything you’re saying right now. Please tell me again when we’re out of this crowd.”
That was a big deal for me. A short time ago, I would have tried to listen to her and get through the crowd and it only would have made me more overwhelmed and likely to have a meltdown. Instead, I said what needed to be said, then pushed my way to a wall so that the crowd was only on one side of me. I worked my way along the wall until there was finally some heavenly open space around me. I survived and didn’t have a meltdown. Score one for me.
The second incident involved some hyper children whose parents were ignoring them. We were standing in line for The Polar Express and these kids were climbing all over the queue’s railing and pushing each other and alternately singing and yelling. After they had pushed one another into my back for the fifth or sixth time, CT saw how stressed I was getting and switched places with me. I think that made the parents notice how their kids were behaving and start paying attention, because they were much better behaved after that. Again, I survived.
When it was time to get something for dinner, off we went to our "usual" spot on the other side of the lagoon. To get to where we thought the restaurant was, we had to pass through a crowd. Not only was it a large crowd, it was a very loud one, as it had gathered in front of a stage where a salsa band was playing. There were cleverly designed cocktail tables about, with glass tops and bongo drum bases – even a hole cut in the top of the glass so the top of the drum was exposed. Cute, right? Sure, except that every asshole near them felt is was their sworn duty to drum on the damn bongos. This might not have bothered me so much, but it seemed there was not a single person in the crowd with enough rhythm to at least play the same beat as the band.
On top of the noise and the crowd, CT and I were then separated by the “I Have A Stroller So I Have The Right Of Way” people. You know the ones. The people who act like they are the first humans to ever breed and think having children means that the rules don’t apply to them and that they are excused from showing common courtesy? Yeah. There were a lot of them there that night. Having a friend nearby was the thing that was really keeping me sane, so the forced separation just about drove me over the edge.
Then we reached the other side, where we realized that we had already passed the restaurant back on the other side of the lagoon and that we now had to go back through the same fucking obnoxious, off-tempo drumming, drunk-dancing, goddamn parental entitlement crowd. I have never been so grateful to sit down in front of a hamburger in my life as I was when we finally reached our destination.
All in all, I still consider the night a success. I never had a meltdown, CT was supportive of my need to stop and refocus periodically and I ended up having a really good time. I’m really looking forward to the coming year. But I swear on all that is holy, the next person who physically runs into me with a stroller is going to feel my wrath. And it's pretty wrathful wrath, too. So watch out.
I went to Sea World with one of my roommates (Chick Tender) on New Year’s Eve, knowing it would be somewhat crowded, but confident I could avoid the majority of the chaos. Aside from three incidents, I think the night was a success. The first thing that happened was that we got caught behind one of the stadiums as it emptied from a show. Too many people, too much noise and no way out. CT (unfazed by the mess herself) tried to say something to me and I had to tell her, “I can’t focus on anything you’re saying right now. Please tell me again when we’re out of this crowd.”
That was a big deal for me. A short time ago, I would have tried to listen to her and get through the crowd and it only would have made me more overwhelmed and likely to have a meltdown. Instead, I said what needed to be said, then pushed my way to a wall so that the crowd was only on one side of me. I worked my way along the wall until there was finally some heavenly open space around me. I survived and didn’t have a meltdown. Score one for me.
The second incident involved some hyper children whose parents were ignoring them. We were standing in line for The Polar Express and these kids were climbing all over the queue’s railing and pushing each other and alternately singing and yelling. After they had pushed one another into my back for the fifth or sixth time, CT saw how stressed I was getting and switched places with me. I think that made the parents notice how their kids were behaving and start paying attention, because they were much better behaved after that. Again, I survived.
When it was time to get something for dinner, off we went to our "usual" spot on the other side of the lagoon. To get to where we thought the restaurant was, we had to pass through a crowd. Not only was it a large crowd, it was a very loud one, as it had gathered in front of a stage where a salsa band was playing. There were cleverly designed cocktail tables about, with glass tops and bongo drum bases – even a hole cut in the top of the glass so the top of the drum was exposed. Cute, right? Sure, except that every asshole near them felt is was their sworn duty to drum on the damn bongos. This might not have bothered me so much, but it seemed there was not a single person in the crowd with enough rhythm to at least play the same beat as the band.
On top of the noise and the crowd, CT and I were then separated by the “I Have A Stroller So I Have The Right Of Way” people. You know the ones. The people who act like they are the first humans to ever breed and think having children means that the rules don’t apply to them and that they are excused from showing common courtesy? Yeah. There were a lot of them there that night. Having a friend nearby was the thing that was really keeping me sane, so the forced separation just about drove me over the edge.
Then we reached the other side, where we realized that we had already passed the restaurant back on the other side of the lagoon and that we now had to go back through the same fucking obnoxious, off-tempo drumming, drunk-dancing, goddamn parental entitlement crowd. I have never been so grateful to sit down in front of a hamburger in my life as I was when we finally reached our destination.
All in all, I still consider the night a success. I never had a meltdown, CT was supportive of my need to stop and refocus periodically and I ended up having a really good time. I’m really looking forward to the coming year. But I swear on all that is holy, the next person who physically runs into me with a stroller is going to feel my wrath. And it's pretty wrathful wrath, too. So watch out.
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